For her final contribution to Vampire Month, Anila Hoxha talks to us about her very personal experiences of cancer.
I am sitting in front of my laptop, thinking about my life. Where am I now? Who have I become? I have finally made my dream come true, I have published my first book. I feel like I am dreaming, and sooner or later somebody will wake me up, but no, this is the reality.
I remember when I was too afraid to publish my books, worried of what people might think of my horror stories. At first I was embarrassed that I always made up fantasy books, and not others. Like, that was the only thing I was capable of. But what made me change my mind, and finally have the courage to publish my book?
I was diagnosed with cancer when I was fifteen. You won’t imagine what I felt in the moment the doctor gave me the news. I wanted to be left alone, in my fantasy, in the place where there was no disease. Yes, there were vampires, but they could be defeated. It could have been cool to be a vampire, no? They don’t have to suffer from diseases. I didn’t cry at all, there was no point to. Cancer didn’t knew with who he was messing with. Did he knew that I had invented so many horror stories, and I wasn’t scared from a stupid disease like him? Did he knew that he just couldn’t crush my dreams, because every time he did that, I dreamed other things, I had other plans and ambitions for the future? Well , I guess he didn’t. But it’s okay, because he does now.
Actually I never thought about my disease as something that would kill me, it was rather something annoying that would let me without school for one year. But the truth was that I risked my life, a lot. I understood now, that the fact I am alive is actually a miracle. When you have a disease, the psychology is very important. You should not worry for anything, which is a bit difficult for cancer patients since we’re torn between life and death.
To fill the empty boring days in the hospital, I decided to write a story to keep me entertained. I never thought to write a book, just something I would enjoy. I wanted to write horror. One day I was creating a film ( I like creating films in my mind), and so I decided to start writing this film in a form of story. I start writing it in English, so this way I would practice it, since English is not my Native language. Later when I started chemotherapy, I started getting worse and worse due to the chemo effects like nausea, headache, and sometimes it was difficult to breathe. But as I had to stay all day in the bed, I couldn’t write. But this book remained in my mind for a long time, until I decided “I will publish the book!”
So, I finished the book, and then I finally published.
Seeing my story in Amazon makes me feel proud of myself. I finally showed people what I am capable of.
So, don’t hesitate to make your dreams come true! Yes, you may make mistakes, that’s normal. But after hard work, you will be rewarded. It’s never too late to change your life, to give yourself what you deserved. You can wait for the fate to knock on your door, or you can go and knock to his door.
It’s all up to you. It’s us who choose our own destiny.
God bless you all.
And thank you to lurkingmusings.wordpress.com for this amazing opportunity.